I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
