i just wanna soil my oats bro
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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