I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
