it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
