Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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