It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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