CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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