so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
