Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
