i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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