i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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