if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
