So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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