So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
