i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
cat food counts as protein by the way
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
