I am puke
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I love you.
Bad choice
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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