This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
