Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
