yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
