I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
