I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im part way to drunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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