He felt like a one man threesome
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
