hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
