i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
