The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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