I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
