is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
