Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
