They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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