Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanna passion pit in your ass
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
