An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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