your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
