everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
