This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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