maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
