Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
