so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
