I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
