He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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