my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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