i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
