fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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