i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
