The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We need to get me chipped asap
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
