Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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