She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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