There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
