Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
