Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
