i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
