...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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