I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My ass is underappreciated
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
