apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
