Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
