I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
