Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
