mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
