can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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