But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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