I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
